Now that we are in spooky season, it’s a good time to address ghosting. Ghosting is a term used to describe the act of abruptly ending an interaction with someone without explanation. In recent years we’ve seen an increase in professional ghosting, where employees abruptly end their relationships with their clients or employers. This has become a major issue in the nonprofit industry and has caused a great deal of pain for the people involved.
Let’s first address why it happens, then explore what you should do if you find yourself on the receiving end. Most people who ghost don’t intend to hurt anyone, but are instead simply trying to avoid an uncomfortable situation. While this sounds like a reasonable justification, it doesn’t make it any less hurtful to the people being ghosted. The sender isn’t consciously trying to be rude or mean, but their actions have a lasting impact on the people they interact with. It also casts a negative light on the ghost’s professional reputation, as lacking respect and communication. We remember the people who have ghosted us and often we lose respect for those organizations as well.
When we ghost someone we are avoiding an uncomfortable situation, and are often motivated by a desire to protect our feelings rather than those of others. This is an internal conflict that must be addressed if we are going to change this behavior. To become better professionals, we must learn to face conflict and uncomfortable situations head-on. It shows accountability and values alignment to one’s work with others (i.e. teamwork). Ghosting is unprofessional and can harm your professional reputation as well as your personal relationships.
So what are you supposed to do if you’ve been ghosted? Although most people try to avoid ghosting whenever possible, some people find themselves in situations where they must cut off communication with a client or employer due to extenuating circumstances. But these situations are not as common as you might think. The vast majority of people choose to be open and honest about their situation and to avoid inflicting additional pain on others. If you are the recipient of a “ghost” message, you have the right to be upset by it but not to take any extreme measures against the sender. Rather, you should respond in a kind and respectful manner and let them know that their behavior is not acceptable. Don’t feel obligated to continue a relationship with someone who chooses to disregard your boundaries. Instead, focus on building relationships with people who respect your needs and make you feel valued.
The next time you are faced with a difficult conversation or a conflict with a colleague, avoid the temptation to ghost them. Find a positive way to resolve the issue and communicate honestly and effectively. I recently turned down an opportunity with an organization because they had ghosted a good friend of mine. This was not the type of organization I wanted to be involved with; I want to be involved with organizations that align with my values and show respect to others.
Studies have shown that ghosting is associated with several negative outcomes such as depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem.
However, it’s not all doom and gloom! There are steps you can take to avoid getting ghosted yourself, as well as ways to handle the experience if it happens to you. Here are a few tips for preventing and dealing with ghosting:
- Do your research beforehand so you know what to expect from the person you’re meeting with, whether it’s a client or colleague.
- Set clear boundaries and limits upfront so you are comfortable saying no when appropriate.
- Establish and uphold clear communication so they know you are expecting the same.
- Be open to communication even when it might seem inconvenient or uncomfortable to do so.
- Stay positive and patient throughout the process.
If you have ghosted people in the past, it’s not too late! Take responsibility for your actions and stop the ghosting cycle for good. This behavior is not only harmful to others but also to yourself. If you are hiring and didn’t choose a particular candidate let them know with a simple 2 line email- thank you for applying, but we’ve chosen a different candidate. Be kind and honest. Everyone has setbacks in life, even those that seem unfair at the moment. If you are job searching and decide you are no longer interested in a position, simply communicate that you are no longer interested. Being honest and upfront with people it’s always the best policy and it will ensure that the people you are working with are more than likely to work with you in the future.